The not-so-hidden cost of mistrust
I grew up learning a lot about the potholes in the road of life. I learned from family, friends, teachers and tv how bad the world can be, how to be careful of strangers and how to be careful of who I trust. I then lived a little and learned the sting of betrayal…when you trust someone, know that they know you, have the highest expectations and then are miserably let down and disappointed by them and their actions. And this confirmed it, closed the loop in a sense…they were all right. Don’t be naive. Be careful of who you trust, because it’ll come back to haunt you. People should earn your trust…
But there’s one big lesson in life that I didn’t really get growing up. Its the price we pay when we don’t trust…the things we lose when our guard is up. When I trust deeply, there will always be that person that might take advantage of it, and when that happens I’ll pay a price…no doubt. But when I mistrust, I pay a price on every social transaction, and its a tremendous opportunity cost. I miss out on the profound and life altering interactions that would make a hundred betrayals well worth the sting. Plus…I don’t believe that “he who dies with the fewest scars wins.” I’d like to accomplish more than that in my life.
When I view the world as a dangerous place full of people who can hurt me, then that will be the world I will live in…in a very real way my thoughts become my reality. And I’ll blame all the people that betrayed me, and I will have really good arguments and a great justification, and I’ll be right no doubt. I just will have neglected the fact that this doesn’t need to be my reality…its not so simple that I can crucify someone because of something they’ve said or done, because reality is not so simple that it can be viewed, let alone understood and judged, through the vantage point of one lens. And I fall into this trap…constantly.
This is why I do my best to avoid tv like the plague. My environment influences me profoundly, and though I may admit it, I doubt that I’m alone. I am reminded enough about the cost of trust everywhere I turn. I want to be reminded about the cost of mistrust. I don’t want to be reminded that people should earn my trust. I want to be reminded that, at the minimum, people should earn my mistrust. When I get angry about my reality I don’t want my comrades to join my crusade. I want them to remind me that there is a lot I can change by simply shifting my gaze.
January 10th, 2011 at 3:20 pm
This resonated so strongly with me. Thank you.
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February 14th, 2011 at 2:25 pm
Great post, Todd!
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